So instead I attempt to get through the day as best I can. I muddle through. I struggle to maintain my composure each and every minute of my day. A day that drags on and on and gets harder and harder to get through. Each day I wonder. Each day I tell myself. I tell myself that this it is for the best. That it can’t be any other way. It has to be this way and this way only. I try to explain it to myself. I try to understand it. I try to make peace with it. I try to convince my heart that the ache, the pain, the emptiness will go away. That there will be a ‘someone’ for me, a ‘someday’ for me. That there is the possibility, however remote, of a new beginning, a new start for my failed life. Each day I try. Each day I hope. I hope you are well. I hope you are OK. I hope that I am at least a passing thought in your day to day life now. I hope you remember the things we talked about. I hope that someday we can still be friends. Each day I think. Each day I cry. I cry for the love I had to. The girls all joined me within moments. Anna moved gently and I could see bruises had formed at her pelvis. "Anna, what did they do to you. You are so badly bruised." It is nothing, Master. The Others were not satisfied with my performance so I was their target yesterday afternoon. I was punched and kicked by them."I will be able to perform my duties to you if you wish me." Anna and you two, too. None of you have required duties to be performed for me. I would prefer to never ever do anything with any of you and never have any of you do anything for me than for sex to be a duty that you perform." I kept my temper because that would cause them to worry needlessly."Ladies, finish washing at your leisure. There is no hurry. I want us all to rest today. I slowly rose and walked to the camp and lay on the ground cloth to let the sun and breeze dry me. I dozed some as the three returned to camp. Leelee was talking to the others. " ... not rest when we are told. We should be seeing to his.
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